Funerals are “a profound witness of the good news in Christ about life and death. Performing these rituals well is not merely an issue of propriety, sensitive pastoral care, or liturgical taste and tradition, but is rather a matter of telling the gospel truth, of giving testimony to the faith, of acting out in the face of grief and loss our deepest convictions about the promises of God in the risen Christ, and enabling us and our children to discover meaning and hope amid the ravages of death.”

– Thomas G. Long in Accompany Them With Singing: The Christian Funeral

Funeral or Memorial Service

  • A funeral is a service at which the body or the cremated remains will be present.
  • A memorial service is a service at which the body has already been buried or cremated.

There has been a trend toward the memorial service in recent years for several reasons. Since funeral services traditionally occur within days of death, the memorial service allows time for the family to gather from far way, as well as more time to prepare for the service.

There are some good spiritual and practical reasons to consider a funeral service. Some have suggested that the memorial service may be increasingly popular because our society at large tends to feels more comfortable at a distance from reality of death. Memorial services, sometimes called “A Celebration of Life,” tend to have a healthy focus on the remembrance of the deceased. This is good. But they may also serve to blunt the healthy grief that the presence of remains of the deceased may promote.

Body

The Christian tradition has long emphasized honoring the body of the deceased while bidding farewell to the earthly existence of a loved one by following the body from the deathbed, to the church, and to its final resting place. The stately march of the family behind the casket into the sanctuary is often an important and moving moment.

This practice is also grounded in the creedal statement, “I believe in the resurrection of the body.” This is a declaration that God created us as bodily creatures and called them good. Resurrection means that our bodily life is not left behind for a better, “spiritual” existence, but is a deep and continuing aspect of our created identity. Funerals and other actions honoring the body of the deceased emphasize this deep and wonderful truth.

While issues of timing may come to the fore in this decision, keep in mind that most funeral directors can preserve the body for days or even longer. This means that the body can be present at the funeral, followed by burial or cremation. The cremated remains may also be present at the funeral and is a common practice for churches that have a columbarium for cremated remains on the church grounds (similar to the graveyards of the past).

  • Thomas Long on the importance of the body at the funeral: (from Accompany Them with Singing: The Christian Funeral)
    • “This sharp separation of spirit and body, and the devaluing of the body that inevitably accompanies it, runs like a ribbon through Western thought….  Small wonder then that many people…view dead bodies as “just shells” left behind after the soul has flown away. The logic of this unfolds inexorably for the funeral. If the ‘real me’ is a soul and not the body, then the presence of my body at a funeral is unnecessary…even a morbid and vulgar embarrassment to the more rarefied spirituality of the moment.” 
    • “We are not amused, though, when a church member heads off to the golf course on Sunday morning, reassuring us that they will be present at worship ‘in spirit.’ The body does not lie. … Where your treasure is, where your stuff is, where your body is, there will your heart be also. We would not perform a wedding without the bride, a baptism without the baptismal candidate; so why a funeral without the deceased?”

Services & Visitation

  • “Typical” order for traditional burial:
    • Visitation 1 hour prior to the service at COS
    • Funeral Service
    • Luncheon or reception in café
    • Family graveside service/burial
  • “Typical” order for green burial or cremation
    • Graveside service for family a day or so after death (for green burial)
    • On a later date…
    • Visitation 1 hour prior to the service at COS
    • Funeral Service
    • Luncheon or reception in café

Funeral Service Details

  • Will the body be present?
    • COS has a beautiful pall, a hand-embroidered covering for the casket at the funeral service. The pall was designed and embroidered by COS members and has been used for the services of many members, families and friends.  In addition to being a beautiful connection to the community of believers that the deceased is a part of, the pall symbolizes that in baptism we are clothed with Christ. The funeral is the “completion” of our baptism. As Paul writes: “We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” (Romans 6:3)
  • Scripture passages
    • Can be favorites, but passages should also remind us of the promises of God in the face of death and loss
    • Typically 1-2 passages are read, depending on the length, and the pastor will preach on one of them.
  • Hymns
    • Congregational singing is important at a funeral. Solos or other special music can be incorporated, but it is important to give the congregation the opportunity to participate in expressing grief and re-telling the Gospel of hope.
    • Favorite songs of the deceased can be meaningful, but it is important that the overall music choices express the foundations of the Christian faith.
    • Familiar hymns and hymns that express the faith and hope of resurrection are good choices. Hymns that express grief are also appropriate.
    • Typically 5-6 hymns are sung in the service
    • Other hymn choices can be incorporated into the prelude or postlude music
  • Remembrances
    • Having a couple brief remembrances offered by family or friends can be a meaningful part of the funeral. Remembrances can personalize the funeral service, reminding us that each of our individual lives is wrapped up in the grand story of the Gospel. Remembrances that are thoughtful and honest can create space for both lament and gratitude. And when done well, the remembrances can be a testimony of faith that inspires thanksgiving to God for the gift of this particular life.
    • Remembrances can be challenging.  The speakers will best be able to communicate the gift of the life of the deceased and the work of Christ when the remembrances have been prepared ahead of time. 
    • 3 remembrances is typically a good number
    • Often the 3 people will have had different relationships to the deceased – a sibling, a child or grandchild, a colleague or friend.
    • 5 minutes is the maximum length for each testimony to ensure good timing and balance for the service
    • Open mic remembrances are best done during the luncheon or reception time following the funeral. Open mic times during the service have at times allowed for ill-prepared, lengthy remarks which have unduly prolonged the service and caused discomfort. 
  • Other elements of the service
    • Lighting the Resurrection candle
    • Placing the Pall / Remembering our baptism (pouring the baptismal water)
    • Affirmation of Faith (Heidelberg Catechism Q&A #1)
    • Psalm 23 responsive reading
    • Sermon
    • Prayer
    • Committal/Commendation